Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
