I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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