His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
