So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
