My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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