How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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