Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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