why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
