just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
