If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
