I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
