dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
