Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
