it's not cheating when I paid for it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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