Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
BRING THE BAGELS
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
