is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
