her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
