Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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