So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
