our cab driver is having phone sex.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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