If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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