I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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