Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
