Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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