First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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