his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
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Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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