things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
