Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You can't just leave with hair like that
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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