I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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