Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I stole a fireplace last night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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