I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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