She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
