I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
