there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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