proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
