dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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