You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize