I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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