ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
