When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
