Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
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I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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