tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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