Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
