Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
