her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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