I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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