Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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