elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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