I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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