we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
