last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
