if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
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whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.