I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
