he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila