The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
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You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special