I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.