I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize