1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.