He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
