Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right