**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
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we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.