i don't plan on having that self control this summer
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Let's get the cat blown out
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.