I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
