Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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