Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
