I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
