i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
