My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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