when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
