i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
