do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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