Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
