shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
