just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
