it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
