I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
