No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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