Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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