This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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