The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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