hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize