I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
