It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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