god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
