I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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