I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
