had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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