We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
